Me on the oher hand... Ummmm.. I am just trying to get by lol. I feel like I have been through the ringer since my radiation ended in January and I can not wrap my brain around any of it! Alot has happened and I will share it with you all! Ok, so where to start... First, I had my TEE (for the third time.) The TEE is the camera that they put down my throat to look at my heart. So- that was soooo not fun! Took a few nurses and about six tries to get a vein that would cooperate to put my ass to sleep. The nurses were amazing though and remembered me. My doctor was amazing too with me. So the testing was all done in a few hours and I was told that I would need heart surgery to repair/replace my mytral valve. Fuckity Fuck! Then the folllowing week I met back up with my thorasic surgeons to talk about the TEE and bla bla bla. I was in there with Jarrod a good hour speaking to them about the surgery. Super long story short.. My doctor's goal is to repair the mytral valve if he can. If he can not repair the the valve then I have to have my mytral valve replaced with a mechanical valve and be married to coumadin for the rest of my life. The goal is to do the open heart surgery with four thorasic surgeons that will try and repair all six parts of the mytral valve that need fixing. If they then can not fix the valve then the replacement will occur. There is so much to this surgery because of my tissue expanders and because I went through radiation my sternum is gonna get a scrape! So in the middle of speaking to my thorasic surgeons I cried.... I told them that I have to make it through this surgery and please please make sure that I wake up to take care of my babies and husband. And even though they can not promise me anything (liability lol) they did feel for me and promised me that I am in wonderful hands and that I will feel so much better after my surgery. I will be in the ICU hopefully a few days and then from there hopefully I will be kickin ass and getting to go home- but Jarrod thinks I am nuts and will end up in a normal room a few more days. Na.... this hoecake is goin home quick I promise you all that. lol. Then when I get home I can not drive or do anything for six weeks! OMG! And from there we will see what happens. Since my appointment with my heart drs I have had a very difficult time wrapping my brain around heart surgery let alone just maintaining organized chaos in our home. And I am very close to my one year cancer diagnosis and feel like I can not catch a break. The nightmare just keeps going on and on.
Ok so during all my heart crap listed above, I go up once a month to see my oncologist- whom I love- and to get a shot in my stomach called Zoladex. Zoladex has put me into menopause in 30 days-for good. I get a shot in my stomach once a month for five years. I have done three so far...57 more to go. I also was taking Letrozole to keep my ovaries/hormones and crap shut down as well but the doctor wants me to take a break from it because the two meds combined make me fuckin coooo cooooo! Night sweat, hot flashes, flu like symptoms every night, insomina... This momma is goin bat shit crazy!! SO I am getting a little bit of a break from the Letrozole to see if I can get some seratonin back up in the melon to calm me down- we will see...lol!!
Now during all this we all got really sick from January till now! Everyone of us was on an antibiotic for something. Baylee ended up in the ER as well. Poor kid had the flu and a UTI!! She was in soo much pain. She was so brave though getting her iv. I was really proud of her. Every one of my kids were just so sick. I felt so helpless. Then on top of it Jarrod and I were really sick. And I kept getting sick- even on antibiotics. But my oncologist was glad to see that I got sick and that my body was able to fight back some. But the kids are fine now. All of them are full of piss and vinegar now!
There is so much to do for my testing and health in the next year or so that is it insane! But one thing
at a time..I think. My oncologist called me yesterday to remind me of the nodules on my lungs that showed up on my CT scan last year when I was diagnosed with cancer. I did not remember-but I do not remember much unless it is written down- so I called Jarrod after my conversation with my oncologist. Jarrod said yes he is correct and he told us about the nodules lol. So.. the doctor wants another CT scan on the lungs to make sure the nodules have not grown. So hopefully the CT scan will get done in the next week because it is just one more thing to have anxiety about. It is easier said than done to not be worried. Every thought that crosses my mind with my body is where the hell is the cancer going to go next! It is always on my mind and it sucks! I am obviously hoping for the best and we will just wait and see what the scans show!! This just puts me over the edge. Hell, everything puts me over the edge right now. My plate and my fams plate is very full! It is really difficult right now for me but I got to just keep taking care of my family and myself right now.
So all in all we are ok... WE are alive, happy and healthy! I will do whatever I need to do to keep going on strong. With everything that is going on I have a ZERO tolerance for bullshit policy. I can not deal with petty, lame,stupid, crap! My family and I are going through the ringor and we are still trying to find positive in all this bull crap that we are going through. Jarrod especially. He is so positive with me and so mentally strong and I am so mean to him and so pissy all the time and he just lets me 'be." He may not understand how I am feeling and the anxiety that I have about this nightmare, but he is always there for me and I can always yell at him when needed lol. I am really lucky to have him. He reassures me all the time that he is not going anywhere. He is by my side forever! Damn right he is!! I kinda love Jrod ALOT!! lol
So...That is the update on my health! Pretty crazy huh?! But-I am here and I am alive and getting through all this crap with a great group of doctors and therapists. And of course I can not get through this without the unconditional love and support of my family and friends-my Cancer Crew! All of our family and friends have been truly amazing! We can not thank you all enough for the unconditional love and support that you give us!! We love you all!!
My brain is done! lol here are some pictures!!
