What is next... So much more!!!!

 


Ok so my last chemotherapy was October 31st!!  And the picture above shows one of many wounds that I have received from chemo!  But it is over- and on to the next treatment!  I am beginning radiation on Tuesday Dec 2. I get to go EVERYDAY for 33 rounds of radiation. Some weekends excluded- unless I am making up for a holiday during the work week. My doctor has prepared me to be very tired and burned lol. Hopefully my skin can hold up to this!  I have no breast tissue, muscles- nothing!!  All I have is a thin layer of skin with an expander inside filled with saline!  Awesome!!  The concern is not only the skin burn but what kind of damage it is going to do to my right breast side. But my plastic surgeon says not to worry- he can fix it all later. But..... It will most likely be a while before my plastic surgeon can fix it because most likely I will need to have my open heart surgery first to fix my mytral valve- else I will not make it through any surgeries. Scarey huh!!  Ya--almost peed myself on that one!  Long story short- radiation, all heart stuff taken care of then hopefully my last reconstruction surgery. This will be at least a few more years!  Damn it!!!!  This is our new normal!!  Living at the docotors. Gaggggg!

Also, saw my oncologist this week- good appointment!!  Most likely I am entering menopoause now from the chemo!!  And will need to be on Tamoxifen after my treatment for FIVE YEARS.  It is completely necessary because it blocks my hormone receptors so that the cancer will hopefully stay away!  But- my genetic mutation that I have that helped create this cancer is a total bastard because my chances for colon cancer are now elevated!  Great- now I am getting my ass checked and cleaned  out at 35 effin years old!  I am on a roll!!!  Wooo hooooo. NOT!  My docotors are on it. They are sending me to a genetic counselor to get this all figured out. The problem is everything is "killed " off right now because of my treatment. It is the next two to four years that I am constantly gonna worry about. But-- I have to remind myself not to live in fear of my cancer and to just enjoy my fam and life right now!  But I am not gonna lie- it is fricken scarey!!!!!!  But... I gotta put my bitch face back on and keep on keepin on!  my kids and my husband need me!


I am under wonderful care by a HUGE TEAM of doctors and nurses!  I could not do this without them!! Thank you to my team of doctors, nurses, referral coordinators, chemo nurse, rads nurses, friends, family, and everyone else that is supporting us!  We love you all.

That is the update!  Have a great Thanksgiving!  Don't just be thankful for your life and loved ones tomorrow...  Be thankful everyday that you are LIVING! Life is good!!  Gooble gooble!

XoXo

My Chemo Video!

Video my hubbs made me for my last chemo!!!! XOXO

Push to Watch: Amy Chemo Shots

This post might ramble but I need to write something!  You might need a tissue!  After scrolling through Facebook on my phone I saw that a a beautiful woman had passed away today from breast cancer. Her name is Jennifer Scott ( Jennifer Denny maiden name.).   I did not know Jennifer that well but new her from my sister Angie and from being on the softball fields with them. She passed away from breast cancer!  It is just awful. Jennifer reached out to me through Facebook because she wanted to help me through my breast cancer journey/ SHIT!  And she gave me her phone number so I could text her about my cancer. We had a few great texting convos on cancer!  The little time I knew her through texting and Facebook the more I got to know about her journey as well. She was a fighter!    She never once complained to me about her crap. She was more concerned about my crap instead- and she barely knew me!!  I am just so saddened by her loss but I also know that she is out of pain now!  I am thinking of her family and husband hoping that their hearts will be mended back together again soon:(.

When I read through and saw the post on facebook my sister had text me the sad news. I was in shock and could not process the info for a few minutes. Then all of the sudden I told myself it is ok to feel and cry! So I ran upstairs as fast as I could to Jarrod and started sobbing. I told him that Jennifer Scott had passed away today and that I am sad and scared out of mind!!!!!!   

This cancer crap has made me really think about things that you really do not want to think about- especially at 35 years old. My mind goes one hundred miles a minute because of the chemo, meds, and fear. It is really easy to stay sad, negative and depressed especially when someone you know battled so hard from the same disease/ cancer and lost their life!  But- I can choose to be sad, I can choose to be depressed or I can choose to LIVE my life!  I can have my moments- but I have to shake it off and move forward to win this effin battle with breast cancer.  Jennifer Scott is my hero!  She was a badass!!!!  Her fight was amazing. I know that I need to keep fighting as hard as I can. I got alot of life to live.  Even though my boobs are gone, my hair is gone, my brain is retarded and I feel
like I am 90 years old- I can get through this!!  I look at my kids and my husband and all the support that I have and realize that I can beat this crap. I have alot to live for and have got to remember that. It is hard some days- like today. But then I snap out of it and get ready to fight again.  This cancer thing sucks!!  It is not fair and so awful. But... Time to pull up my big girl panties and keep on keepin' on!  It is what I have to do to survive this crap!  

I text Jarrod this evening telling him I can not stop thinking about Jennifer Scott and that I am scared to death and sad as hell. And he sent me these two texts back.   We drive each other nuts sometimes- but we love each other. We take our wedding vows very seriously!  I am so lucky to have this man in my life. I saved these texts to remind me on my hard days that I am going to be ok. And that I am loved no matter what. 

Rest In Peace Jennifer Scott.   You are a hero in my eyes!! I am going to fight even harder now!!  XO

Update

Just  a quick update. I have finished six rounds of chemotherapy. Tomorrow I see my heart surgeon to discuss further action on my heart. And in approx four weeks I will start radiation. 33 rounds- everyday for six and half weeks. The only side effects I should have are tiredness and burning.  It will suck but not nearly as bad as chemo!  We will see..  And then hopefully after radiation I will be put through all my scans to see if this  effin cancer is gone for good. Asshole!!  

XO!

Stop cryin and put your bitch face back on!

Some days are harder than others. Not sure why but they just are.  Some days I wanna scream at the top of my lungs and other days I feel like I could cry all day. But.... I refuse to feel like this for days! I can't!  I have a husband and four baby girls that need me!  So I eventually " buck up" and put my bitch face on and keep on keepin' on! But I could not keep on keepin on without Jarrod!!  He listens to me, sees my scarey ass cry face, and reminds me that I am loved and needed in this family!  I am so lucky to have Jarrod as my husband. He is MY Rock and my cheerleader. He is always saying how strong I am. I never feel strong enough- but he makes me feel strong when he says it. He snaps me outta my craziness. He knows how to help me get through the really bad days and also knows how to make me laugh and enjoy the wonderful days too!  I love him!!  I could not get through this cancer crap without him. I tell him all the time that he is stuck with me lol.- and he is ok with that!  I am one crazy-ass- loved- hot mess chick!!

XO

My Last Chemo!

Hi all!  I hope everyone had a great Halloween!  I am sorry I have not blogged for a week or two but I have been very sick from my last chemo treatment. I had my last chemo on Halloween!!  Kinda bittersweet!  It was a wonderful last treatment but super painful and so hard on my body and veins. My sister and Jarrod came with me and we had a cackling good time!!  It was actually super fun considering I was getting poisoned for three plus hours. Then after chemo We all went over to the Jacksons for a Halloween party with our crew. But....... It was not just a Halloween party like my dummy ass thought!  We pulled up- and I was just getting situated from my nap in the car- and I see all these pink balloons with everyone cheering.  I could not believe my eyes. I saw all my friends and right away saw my Dad. I then began to cry. I cried tears of joy for completing this nightmare of a bitch called chemo and was crying because of the amazing love and support that I have from my friends and family!!  It is just unbelievable. My fam and I are so lucky to have these peeps in our lives!!!!  It was such a fun Halloween!!  The best day I have had in a very very long time. I am forever grateful for all the love and support!!  Then Saturday I did well until about 3pm or so- that is when Jrod had to give me my bone marrow shot. My last bone marrow shot.........  So I began to get achy and my bones felt like they were breaking into a million pieces. And down I went!  Then Skylar and Stella got sick. It was the week from hell!  I do not like my babies sick. So I tried to suck it up and help Jarrod as much as I could- was not much. Then by the end of the week we all started to feel better finally!!!  We got through chemo!!  I am so proud of our family!!  I never thought it was gonna end. Everytime I went through a round my anxiety level would go through the roof. It is the worse thing everrrrr. I will never do it again!  It is just awful- plain and simple. It destroys you mentally and physically. It put me in some dark places that I do not want to go to again. But I did it!!!  I made it through and completed all six rounds.  My family and I did it!!  I am so proud of us!

Here are some pictures from my last round of chemo and Halloween!!  Enjoy!

XO