This post might ramble but I need to write something!  You might need a tissue!  After scrolling through Facebook on my phone I saw that a a beautiful woman had passed away today from breast cancer. Her name is Jennifer Scott ( Jennifer Denny maiden name.).   I did not know Jennifer that well but new her from my sister Angie and from being on the softball fields with them. She passed away from breast cancer!  It is just awful. Jennifer reached out to me through Facebook because she wanted to help me through my breast cancer journey/ SHIT!  And she gave me her phone number so I could text her about my cancer. We had a few great texting convos on cancer!  The little time I knew her through texting and Facebook the more I got to know about her journey as well. She was a fighter!    She never once complained to me about her crap. She was more concerned about my crap instead- and she barely knew me!!  I am just so saddened by her loss but I also know that she is out of pain now!  I am thinking of her family and husband hoping that their hearts will be mended back together again soon:(.

When I read through and saw the post on facebook my sister had text me the sad news. I was in shock and could not process the info for a few minutes. Then all of the sudden I told myself it is ok to feel and cry! So I ran upstairs as fast as I could to Jarrod and started sobbing. I told him that Jennifer Scott had passed away today and that I am sad and scared out of mind!!!!!!   

This cancer crap has made me really think about things that you really do not want to think about- especially at 35 years old. My mind goes one hundred miles a minute because of the chemo, meds, and fear. It is really easy to stay sad, negative and depressed especially when someone you know battled so hard from the same disease/ cancer and lost their life!  But- I can choose to be sad, I can choose to be depressed or I can choose to LIVE my life!  I can have my moments- but I have to shake it off and move forward to win this effin battle with breast cancer.  Jennifer Scott is my hero!  She was a badass!!!!  Her fight was amazing. I know that I need to keep fighting as hard as I can. I got alot of life to live.  Even though my boobs are gone, my hair is gone, my brain is retarded and I feel
like I am 90 years old- I can get through this!!  I look at my kids and my husband and all the support that I have and realize that I can beat this crap. I have alot to live for and have got to remember that. It is hard some days- like today. But then I snap out of it and get ready to fight again.  This cancer thing sucks!!  It is not fair and so awful. But... Time to pull up my big girl panties and keep on keepin' on!  It is what I have to do to survive this crap!  

I text Jarrod this evening telling him I can not stop thinking about Jennifer Scott and that I am scared to death and sad as hell. And he sent me these two texts back.   We drive each other nuts sometimes- but we love each other. We take our wedding vows very seriously!  I am so lucky to have this man in my life. I saved these texts to remind me on my hard days that I am going to be ok. And that I am loved no matter what. 

Rest In Peace Jennifer Scott.   You are a hero in my eyes!! I am going to fight even harder now!!  XO