Happy Fall Ya'All

Hi all!! I hope everyone is doing well.  Happy Fall Ya' all!!  I am so glad the month of October is over. It has been a hellish month for me and my fam. But we made it through the month!!!    I have been so sick lately and kind of over it.  But I am slowly gaining my strength and feeling better each day.  I have also been to ALOT of doctors appointments-and oh my gawd it is effin exhausting.  Especially commuting two plus hours on the 91 freeway both ways  gagggggg.  More power to you commuters.  No wonder you all have fuckin road rage lol.

So...Here is the latest update-you all ready???  So more surgeries are on their way soon.  Long story short; my heart can not endure any more medicines.  I need certain meds to keep my cancer away because I have moved from Stage 3 breast cancer to Stage 3 advanced breast cancer!!!!!  I can not take the meds because these could give me a potential heart attack or kinda die.  So instead of meds I have to get my ovaries out now.  And along with my ovaries coming out I am going to try and combine my boob exchange with my ovaries coming out.  I got the OK from all my docs-now it's just seeing if the docs make it happen!  I am going to try my hardest to boss their asses around and make it happen.  It is going to be another obstacle to get through but if I can have a double mastectomy and open heart surgery and all the shit I endured in between then I can easily get through this shit!!  I am hoping that once these surgeries get accomplished then there is some fricken light at the end of the tunnel finally.  My fam and I need a break.... We need a break really bad!!  We are all so tired and beat up emotionally, mentally and physically.  

As I process these surgeries in my little brain I realize that a lot has been taken away from me physically.  I am loosing all my physical parts that make up my woman hood.  my boobs are gone, my nipples are gone, and now my ovaries.  My mitral valve is gone-replaced with a piece of metal that ticks so loud 24/7 I wanna punch myself in the throat lol.  I am fat from all the meds and am in so much chronic physical pain that I live in my bed because I hurt so much.  I cry myself to sleep 5 out of the 7 days and I can not feel certain parts of my body because the numbness takes over certain
parts of my body.  then there is my brain-fuck it is bad!  Takes me weeks to remember what I want to
blog and why.  If I don't write it down asap or blurt out my thoughts like a fat girl with tourettes then my thoughts go away FAST!!  I can't remember certain things-like when the Bigs were babies.  I look at pictures and have to study them or ask Jarrod about the picture because I can not remember where or the why for the picture.  Unfortunately- I signed my life away when I endured chemo and RADS. It will slowly get better-just gonna take ALOT of time.  

Enough of my bitching!   LOW KEY and JUST BE are not bad things to focus on right now. My family and I are working on destressing our lives and just living in the moment!  JUST BE!  That is our motto now.  

So..  I can't really concentrate much more-so Bye for now!!  Remember-like my therapist says.... JUST BE!!  It is a good thing!! 

Lots of pics on here!

XOXO