37!

I have not blogged for a long time it feels like!  But tonight I felt my brain going a hundred miles a minute!  I needed to write!  So I am here!

Tomorrow is my 37th birthday!  I normally do not care about my birthday.  It used to be just "another" day for me of taking care of the kids and what not.  But this year is different for me!  I felt the urge to celebrate a bit, to be happy, to be thankful to be alive, to enjoy my birthday and reminisce on the good times in my life!  This year has been very hard for me.  I think this year was harder than two years ago when I found out I had cancer on my birthday!  This year was a year of sadness and loss and growth personally and in my marriage.  But through the pain comes light and I am seeing that light a bit.  I view things in my life so incredibly different than I did a year ago.  What was important to me a year ago is NOT even close to what is important to me now.  I cherish the little things more, I laugh so much more these days and I am taking more time for myself.  There are days where I get up in the morning and drive my kids to school and think to myself how lucky I am to be Chase, Baylee, Stella and Skylar's mom!  And of course there are those fun days where I think they are being assholes too.. LOL.  Lets keep that shit real!! But Life is pretty damn good for me right now!  I am alive, I am recovering from open heart surgery-and doing damn good!  My husband is taking wonderful care of me and the kids, but most importantly-Jarrod is wanting to take care of me and love me!

I want to just soak it all in tomorrow.  I have been through hell and back and tomorrow I will not dwell or think about my hell!  Tomorrow I am going to be extra thankful I am here in this crazy ass world with my family, friends and sun.  Life keeps throwing me fuckin curve balls and I am getting real sick of it-but-I will not give up, I will continue to fight- but I just want tomorrow off lol.  Just one day of no curve balls.  Just one day where I can just "be!"  That is all I want.  I don't want anything fancy in my life, I just want to be healthy again and take care of my family-so stop with the fuckin curve balls!

I don't know what is to come in my life next, but I do know that whatever it is I can handle it.  I have to handle it-I have four little girls that need to see their mamma handle whatever comes her way!

I made it to 37!  I will make it to 38 too!!  But tomorrow- I am just gonna "be."

xoxo